MBBS with balls.

Ok… Bit of a disclaimer…This is partly serious. And a lot of cliches.

This is a continuation.

For all those years for fighting the simplest yawn’s and day time naps, there was an equally frustrating question on why the hell am i sleeping at night so long if i’m equally useless in the day.

That year was the entrance year. Meant endless boring hours alone  in a library corner. A disneyland for EDS (Click to learn more, Thank me later).

But, as his human nature, I blamed something else…First up for the shooting squad, that bloody air conditioner. Full sleeves, a jacket, a lot of sweat and a hypnotic coma later, it was clear that I had blamed and shot the wrong excuse. That continued with many suspects.

All right,to the body of this post.

That pill. It was supposed to be man’s answer to god’s big mistake in brain designing.

I’d heard about it for a couple of years, and doubted its arrival on our shores. It had a retardedly hefty price tag in $$…Bastards.

But apparently, i forgot,  our pharma’s dont believe in petty things like patents. And so by mid year, there was an explosion of little white dudes in the market.

And me… The books were out… Research Research Research. After a Doctor’s degree, i had the common sense to make sure it  wouldn’t make me a babbling and hyper cartoon.

“Ole Amigo….Soo far, soo good, this looks promising.” I’d thought in a spanish accent for some reason.

Ok, now the serious part.

The dudes were bought at a small dose…like those demo packs. Surprisingly this chemist no care for the nonprescription.

So armed with knowledge, and a good nights sleep,  Day one.

I DIDNT EVEN YAWN.

Sadly, i was feeling so active, i did everything else but study.

So, now i needed  to  learn self control…Damn it…I wanted everything on a silver platter.

So, now armed with knowledge,a good night’s sleep AND some self control, Day 2.

I did pretty well…for those few hrs i sit in one place.

Day 3, 4, 5 …. Day 60 flew by.

And then the rarest of rarest of the rarest side effects with long use than may rarely happen happened….Bloody hell.

Apparantly, it sometimes heightens your emotions.

In easy words ( in the style of Ball=Bounce or Bomb=Boom)..

If i had to smile, I became Euphoric..

If  i had to frown, Depression was an understatement for me.

A little anger, well, think of those cartoons where anger meant red faces and burning eye’s, well something like that…

And finally rounding out Freud’s list of man’s expression, a little sympathy made me empty my wallet for someone..

Stopping meant a week of yawning, which was unacceptable, so close to exam day.

And so, i was SCREWED in a Catch22 situation. I had to be on the little white guys…In a way, i reached the “i’m addicted state.” and i hated it.

And it wasnt pretty to see me in overload mode.

I did what i could, locked myself in a room for the last weeks, cut human interaction to almost zero, and communicated to the ouside world through messages only….and studied.

Well, let me tell you, in such a setting, the mid is a dangerous place.

Devoid of basic interaction,the psyche wanders, it digs deep, bares open your memories, creates hypothetical and lives them in fast forward, and when on the pill, it actually creates an inception like world while your awake.

If paranoia and schizophrenia met for a picnic, it would have been me in those those last days.

I moved on…with the tv on mute been the best companion I could have. ( You know, hours of TV makes your mind numb, thank god for that)

Exam Day came. The 8 hour hellfest.

So, with a good nights sleep, no confidence, a ravaged mind, the little whitey pill, and an apple plus couple of cheese sandwich’s for lunch (Yes, i though healty)….I went in.

And it all came full circle. An chotu epiphany perhaps.

I had 8 people on the same exam as me there. All jittery, stuffed with caffine, sugar in their body and red bulls in their bag’s.

I closed my eyes, and for some reason, i had complete peace of mind for the first time in a month.

My first block started, i couldn’t have imagined it easier.

And so the 2nd and 3rd, 4th but not the 5th…Ok, Shit Happens.

I just realized, it had been 5 hours and i’d taken a five minute break only, while around me peple were coming in and out and in and out….the sign of a stressed mind on a caffine/sugar high and fall.

So, i forced my self out for a bit ( I had a regulation hour’s break to take)…Ate a bit, and popped an liitle pill in again, just like that….i dont know why.

And for my last two block’s, i’d never felt better in a long time.

Was it me, was the exam overrated, was it the pill letting me do my best.

At the end, i walked out, feeling very confused.

But if you asked me, was it worth a little white pill taking over my mind, i’m temted to say YES.

What i scored will be out in a while, but i have no regrets i guess.

For the sake of completion, after stopping, i slept 12 hours for a week..

But now i’m corrupted for life, with the knowledge that i know what i can do to easily attempt to put in those single long nights or extended days with a little white pill.