When a pill took over my mind- Part 2

Ok… Bit of a disclaimer…This is partly serious. And a lot of cliches.

This is a continuation.

For all those years for fighting the simplest yawn’s and day time naps, there was an equally frustrating question on why the hell am i sleeping at night so long if i’m equally useless in the day.

That year was the entrance year. Meant endless boring hours alone  in a library corner. A disneyland for EDS (Click to learn more, Thank me later).

But, as his human nature, I blamed something else…First up for the shooting squad, that bloody air conditioner. Full sleeves, a jacket, a lot of sweat and a hypnotic coma later, it was clear that I had blamed and shot the wrong excuse. That continued with many suspects.

All right,to the body of this post.

That pill. It was supposed to be man’s answer to god’s big mistake in brain designing.

I’d heard about it for a couple of years, and doubted its arrival on our shores. It had a retardedly hefty price tag in $$…Bastards.

But apparently, i forgot,  our pharma’s dont believe in petty things like patents. And so by mid year, there was an explosion of little white dudes in the market.

And me… The books were out… Research Research Research. After a Doctor’s degree, i had the common sense to make sure it  wouldn’t make me a babbling and hyper cartoon.

“Ole Amigo….Soo far, soo good, this looks promising.” I’d thought in a spanish accent for some reason.

Ok, now the serious part.

The dudes were bought at a small dose…like those demo packs. Surprisingly this chemist no care for the nonprescription.

So armed with knowledge, and a good nights sleep,  Day one.

I DIDNT EVEN YAWN.

Sadly, i was feeling so active, i did everything else but study.

So, now i needed  to  learn self control…Damn it…I wanted everything on a silver platter.

So, now armed with knowledge,a good night’s sleep AND some self control, Day 2.

I did pretty well…for those few hrs i sit in one place.

Day 3, 4, 5 …. Day 60 flew by.

And then the rarest of rarest of the rarest side effects with long use than may rarely happen happened….Bloody hell.

Apparantly, it sometimes heightens your emotions.

In easy words ( in the style of Ball=Bounce or Bomb=Boom)..

If i had to smile, I became Euphoric..

If  i had to frown, Depression was an understatement for me.

A little anger, well, think of those cartoons where anger meant red faces and burning eye’s, well something like that…

And finally rounding out Freud’s list of man’s expression, a little sympathy made me empty my wallet for someone..

Stopping meant a week of yawning, which was unacceptable, so close to exam day.

And so, i was SCREWED in a Catch22 situation. I had to be on the little white guys…In a way, i reached the “i’m addicted state.” and i hated it.

And it wasnt pretty to see me in overload mode.

I did what i could, locked myself in a room for the last weeks, cut human interaction to almost zero, and communicated to the ouside world through messages only….and studied.

Well, let me tell you, in such a setting, the mid is a dangerous place.

Devoid of basic interaction,the psyche wanders, it digs deep, bares open your memories, creates hypothetical and lives them in fast forward, and when on the pill, it actually creates an inception like world while your awake.

If paranoia and schizophrenia met for a picnic, it would have been me in those those last days.

I moved on…with the tv on mute been the best companion I could have. ( You know, hours of TV makes your mind numb, thank god for that)

Exam Day came. The 8 hour hellfest.

So, with a good nights sleep, no confidence, a ravaged mind, the little whitey pill, and an apple plus couple of cheese sandwich’s for lunch (Yes, i though healty)….I went in.

And it all came full circle. An chotu epiphany perhaps.

I had 8 people on the same exam as me there. All jittery, stuffed with caffine, sugar in their body and red bulls in their bag’s.

I closed my eyes, and for some reason, i had complete peace of mind for the first time in a month.

My first block started, i couldn’t have imagined it easier.

And so the 2nd and 3rd, 4th but not the 5th…Ok, Shit Happens.

I just realized, it had been 5 hours and i’d taken a five minute break only, while around me peple were coming in and out and in and out….the sign of a stressed mind on a caffine/sugar high and fall.

So, i forced my self out for a bit ( I had a regulation hour’s break to take)…Ate a bit, and popped an liitle pill in again, just like that….i dont know why.

And for my last two block’s, i’d never felt better in a long time.

Was it me, was the exam overrated, was it the pill letting me do my best.

At the end, i walked out, feeling very confused.

But if you asked me, was it worth a little white pill taking over my mind, i’m temted to say YES.

What i scored will be out in a while, but i have no regrets i guess.

For the sake of completion, after stopping, i slept 12 hours for a week..

But now i’m corrupted for life, with the knowledge that i know what i can do to easily attempt to put in those single long nights or extended days with a little white pill.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Little White Pill & Me Part 1

The little white pill is not a metaphor for any thing, it is in fact a tiny white 100 mg pill.

Didn’t get it, well…a little flashback is needed..

About 6 years ago, when i’d just entered my graduate degree, it dawned upon me that i daydream a lot, i mean if given a proper budget, i would have made inception years ago….BUT, and getting to the point, to compensate for time spent in those wildly retarded dreaming period’s, i would have to sleep a bit less than others to study.

Next up...Cricket and Me..

Fair enough right…

Nope, it’s so horribly bloody wrong…

Apparently as most of you know, its a losing battle by day 3 of sleep deprivation and your pretty much a worthless member of society, where a cute and adorable guinea pig has more value than your zombie ass..

Apparently Not

And so, started a journey of massive self trial’s, spectacular error ‘s and multiple restroom breaks in my quest to find time to study outside the normal waking hours for above mentioned reasons…

First on the board were the well known and apparantly  useless  i.e the tea’s and coffee’s…and the tea coffee combo… From the milk laden version’s to straight up black as coal…To the Arabicas and Ethiopeans… I figuratively raped my taste buds

They were more like those swings in the gardens of childhood…drink, go up and down…drink,go up and down…and yes, a very active bladder.

( Ok, confession…Green tea works best for about an hour, and the mint one’s taste bit like Colgate)

Next up, the expensive loser’s i.e the really dark chocolates, the kiwi and washington apples, them bloody priced as gold ‘red bulls’, those mints…

( Weird factoid – Bull bile has oodles of taurine, an alleged stimulant…Now guess can you guess how Red Bull came to be called what it is)

Ok, by the 3rd year I  was getting desperate….the day dreams and other day time incidents were getting longer and drawn out while sleep was getting to be a casualty in a quest to pass…

While the above concoctions were losing, i started reading about the heavy duty chemicals…Here are some and the conclusions i came up with…

(Following information is purely educational for you, don’t be me, they are addicting  junk)

Amphetamines – I’m not dumb..

Ritalin, Adderall, Dexedrine – Proven to work, and of course screw your mind…But too restricted here to buy, in fact surprisingly buying uranium is easier in comparison..

Herbal Himalaya Mentat – Not joking, Its Money tata, ok, bye bye..

Piracitam – The so called cognitive enhancer… Apparently all it does is makes your dreams vivid…Thats what i dont need…Dreams in 3D.

Anyways, long story short, i managed to pass…Somehow…

My pre-exam stimulates to consume were a work of art.

Thanks to the coke, red bull’s, lindt chocolate and coffee combo…I made multiple trip’s to the restroom during my 3.5 hour papers..The accompanying guard to make sure i dont cheat got pissed (Non literally) and tired and let me go on my own to get pissed (Literally)…{Last toilet humor joke}

Not Me

Intership was more about reclaiming my long lost body clock..

Those weird peptic ulcers that plagued me for some reason vanised..

( Seems like an happy ending na !!)

Well, then came post graduation preparations year….Bloody hell…Again…

No actually

For the Mythical “little white pill “…something i ‘d heard about in whispers but didn’t think it was possible…

In part 2…..

The bullshit we do – Patriotism

A lot of people have commented to me over the year’s that “Dude, your a Firang”, and ” Go back to America” and related tasteful derivatives of the former. This never bother’s me except when, on the two retarded excuses for a day to show your patriotism.

Yes i am speaking about 15th august and its poor useless cousin, the 26th january.

Lets backtrack shall we. Let me ask you a question, and be very honest about answering this.

” Are you proud of your country?”

And because your mind will instinctively say “Yes”, i’m telling you that it is pure, unadulterated,quality bullshit.

If you were born British, would you be AS PROUD of being British than you are now being born an India. Of, lets say you were born in Afghanistan or Iraq. Now answer me. Would you be LESS PROUD.

Truth is you were born in India by CHANCE (1 in a 194 chance ).

Should you be proud? NO.

Feel Lucky? YES (Any poor bangladeshi or iraqi would certainly attest to that).

So, what do you do to show your luckiness?

Well, our brave gallant armed forces, sit 24X7, 365 day’s a year,showing true patriotism, guarding our countries border’s so that you are safe, and hence,die to give you a chance to change your country for the better.

You,however ,forget that opportunity those guys DIE to give your sorry ass, and sure enough, remember that bullshit patriotism twice a year, forwarding useless patriotic messages and emails, stupid facebook updates and forget about it the next day.

Relax...This set of dicks are even worse than you

So, have you ever taken a stand against something you know was wrong, no mater who was hurt OR you just looked out for yourself, making sure you dont get your hands dirty with someone else’s problems?

Instead of bitching how screwed up something is, how pathetic the system is, how corrupt it is,  have you ever thought about the fact that WE are generally responsible for it, but we are too fucking lazy to change.

So, to answer my question, I Am NOT proud to be an INDIAN…I haven’t done anything to be proud. And i’m sure, you haven’t either. So stop being a bloody hypocrite .

Take Home Message

Dr Anna’s Visiting card. It ‘visits’ my Photoshop…And Truth EXPOSED..
Scandalous Stuff…It’s all True…See it to believe it my friends….U’ll learn something from Quacky Here..

Level 2 anybody…??

What were they thinking!!! Bullshit medical terms that everyone is forced to memorize.

Medical terminology is freaking weird. From unpronounceable terms and tongue twisters to stuff so stupidly irrelevant, that even a patient on LSD would have done better.

But one thing that can be said that  in trying to make it sound professional we have we have given ourselves “Faecal Encephalopathy” aka ‘Shit for Brains’ reputation . Here are a few personal attempt of decoding some of the weirdest medical terms that just make you think “what were they thinking?”

LEVEL 1 Terms -” Hmmm, Why It Looks Like a …….”

This is easily one of the biggest screw up’s of the medical nomenclature.

After the being the first to see or do something even the slightest medically relevant, the euphoria tends to numb most of their thinking capacity, combined usually with a piss drunk celebratory state, the discoverer names his/her find according to something they thought looks like it, only for the rest of the world to say “What were you thinking”

Its amazing what people think of. This category transcends all boundaries of food, culture, nature and even sport. This works on the pink giraffe principle where if someone tells you to think of a pink giraffe while looking at something, you cant stop trying to.

Notable examples are many and it deserves its own exhaustive list. Notable examples include Eggs in various forms ( ie Egg Shell, Fried Eggs, Frogs Eggs, Egg Cracking,Humpty Dumpty…etc.) Ping Pong Balls, Cannon Balls, Port Wine, Beer, Salmons, Anchovies, Potatoes,Onion skins, lady Fingers, Lighthouse, Rosaries,Gunshot, Pistonshot, Lacunae and yes, even a Mercedes Benz gets one in.

Level 2 Terms – Who Gets the Glory, Bitches!!!

This surprisingly happens only when 2 or more guys with kinky surnames which sound more baby talk stumble upon a disease, and instead of calling it what it is, stuff their names in there only to be cursed profusely by premed’s everywhere.

This is a doozy. So, lets express our anguish in explicit detail against the Bernard-Soulier’s, Charcot-Marie-Tooth’s, Child-Turcotte-Pugh, Emery-Dreifuss, Kleine-Levin, Lac-Hydrin-Five and other self-centered-bastards of this profession. The Japanese discoverers deserve a special mention here, as even on their own, their syndromes resemble a dictionary for animal torture.

Level 3 Terms – Lack of Imagination

This set gets a mention for being the exact opposite, i.e a product of a mind taking its comatose creativity to bed. The ones that comes to mind are the professions first affected conditions. I mean, why use names, lets say a baseball finger or cricket finger when you can use ‘Digital damnation’  or ‘ The Twisted Flip off’. I feel sorry for all the Chimney sweepers, Sheep Herder’s, Tailor’s, Golfer’s, Hookers, Writer’s and other noble professions who have been victimized by our nomenclature. There is one small victory in this losing battle, the awesome ‘July 1st Effect’. We kept the best for ourselves.

Level 4 Terms - Definitely on Marijuana/LSD/Cocaine…or Desi Alcohol even

How else can you explain Bronze John ( Yellow Fever), Chilblains (Frost Bite),  FrenchPox (Syphilis), Galloping Consumption (Would you believe TB), King’s Evil (Scrofula), La Grippe (The Flu), Mormal (Gangrene) and  St Vitus Dance (Chorea)…

And because you’ve read so far, here’s a treat for you….i present the….

Level 5 Terms – Terms doctor’s use to comment on patients in-front of other doctor’s

All of the following is real and i kid you not, is actually used in someplace’s.

Brothel Sprouts – What it Means = Genital Warts,

CBT – What it Means =Chronic Biscuit Toxicity. Patient is really fat.

CNS-QNS – What it means = Central Nervous System Quantity Not Sufficient

Gas Passer – What it means = an anesthesiologist (also Gas Man or Gaswallah)

Rule of Five – What it means = that if more than five of the patient’s orifices are obscured by tubing, he has no chance of survival

Batting – What it means  = Dont know whats wrong, but its not my case.

SO, in conclusion, lets take what damage is done with a pinch of salt and learn to call things for  what they really are. So from now on i say, lets get enlightened use some of the following recommendations..

Erectile dysfunction should be called  Spermally Challenged , Spastic Colon should be called Busted Gut…Hmmm, I’m Out.

If you can do better, Let me know.

“In the mind of a child during his first visit to the pediatrician”

What follows is live commentary of the boy’s mind through the visit]

Dam…why the hell is sticky water coming out of my nose. Plus I’m feelin kinda hot. This is gotta be the worst thing that has happened to me in my one year of existence.

I wonder how the nose thing tastes….hmmm??…..lets try.

Yuck, yuck, yuck…arggg…this tastes just as bad is the cool brown thing I found running around the room last month.

IN SOME CULTURES, I'M A DELICASY !!

Here comes mom, she’ll make this better, she always does.

Hey, WTF….why is she dressing me up.???….Crap is coming out of my nose and she wants to show me off to her friends again ?? She’s demented.

Here we go out the house.

Where is she taking me?? I’ve never been by this way before. Oh…she’s turned, and going to that big house. I wonder what’s in there.

TEMPLE OF DOOM

Hey, this place is full of people like me. I think this is going to be fun. Look at all the stuff this place has to play with. My room suck’s compared to this.

Huh, why is that kid coming out that door crying? What a bloody cry baby. I feel shameful when my kind of people cry for no reason. It’s a powerful skill. Mom always gives me what I want when I cry. It should be used smartly. Anyways..

Hey, who’s this lady in white? Why is looking at me??

Aghhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…..the bitch, the bitch pinched my cheek….and she’s smiling at me now…..oh why, oh why did she do that.

BITCH WHO PINCHES CHEEKS

Hey…we are going in that room where that kid came out crying. Where is mom taking me with the white bitch.

Oh…its just another room with funny looking stuff and a fat man sitting on the table.

Mom’s talking to that man for a long time now. I’m burning up and that sticky shit is still coming out my nose and mom is chatting. This is gross parental negligence you know. I’m catching her as tight as I can.

That dude’s funny you know. He’s got some black rope around his neck. Psycho fashion statement??

ALL I NEED NOW IS A RAMP TO WALK

Hey, he’s looking at me now……gosh, he’s staring so much at me….he’s goona say some something….

“Hello there baby, Ding dong ding dong Tick tock tick tock tick…”

Huh…..freak…why is he making all those funny noises…dam retarded fool. First the black rope, and now this gibberish.

Hey, he’s catching my hand. Now he’s pulling out my tongue.

This dude’s seriously demented. Mom’s just watching.

I’m gonna cry…mom’s got to take me away.

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

THE INFANT NUKE

Shit….moms not doing anything and this idiot’s making those funny noises again. Hey, he’s putting that black rope in his ears now. I don’t like the look of this. He’s putting it on my chest. Dude, please leave me alone.

Now he’s pressing my tummy. Hey, mom’s pulling down my pants. Shhhhhhit, he squeezed my balls. That does it, I’m going to PEE on him.

That’s it, come closer….closer….cloooooser…. Whooooooosh……Got him on the hands.

Hey, he’s laughing, mom’s laughing too, so is that white bitch on the side. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.

Now he’s talking to mom again. Hey mom, look at me…Get me outta here.

Now what’s he doing…he’s removing something from his drawer…hmmm, it’s small and shiny…I wonder??

SMALL,SHINY....DEADLY

Why is mom catching me tight with my pants down…I cant move. Mom….mom….mom….hey mom….

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHH

FUCK, FUCK, FUCk, FUCK, and FUCK.

That bastard poked me with it, and it fucking hurts. I cant stop crying….

Finally, were going out….it hurting bad. Now I know why that poor kid was crying. I’m sorry btother.

Mom, you are seriously going to pay for this horror. Wait till I get bigger and you get older. Then the tables will be turned. You are going to repent…repent.

Dummies guide for Potential Villains to Survive in a Hero dominated bollywood.

“Dishoom”.

A gun had just gone off.

I, the fearless, bold, daring and courageous individual that I am, I didn’t move a muscle. All I did was put another spoon full of ‘chaval’ in my mouth. This would have been an utter disregard for life and limb has this been real.

But it was not.

It was a scene from a Hindi movie blaring through the TV set in my mess.

The movie aforementioned was Koyla. It had been a while since I saw that film.

Out of pure boredom, I started to take notice of the movie. Was struck me, while I started to watch it intently, were the gross mistakes the villain was making.

I mean all he had to do was use school level common sense and he could have got all he wanted, but in the end all he got was an untimely death in the hands of the hero.

Hindi movies thrive on the Hero-Villain plots. I mean a plot with a hero and no villain has no significance. But the freaking tragedy is that the super villains often do something’s so brainless, so silly and make the same basic mistakes time after time, it always allows the most mediocre of heroes to come out of the predicament, get the girl and kill the villain as well.

In light of the above, I’ve compiled a list of things I would do, if I ever became a super villain in a bollywood flick. Any budding villains, please take notice.

And so, here goes…….

My Moustache makes me so cool

1)   I will not laugh out menacingly and loudly while the hero is standing powerless before me and loose sight of him momentarily, so that he gets to do something heroic. Instead I will look at him carefully with a gun in hand so that he doesn’t get a chance to do anything daring.

2)   My group of evil henchmen will be composed of trained combat ready militia, and not roadside goondas, who usually have a combined IQ of a mentally subnormal donkey high on marijuana.

3)   I will never ever use snakes in any form, weather as pets or to murder anyone. They always backfire.

4)   All my employees will have to pass a 3 layer security blanket with retinal scans to get to me. No way can any dimwitted hero or heroine even come close to me dressed up as some driver of maid.

5)   I will always shoot my enemies. Nothing less. And I will not be miserly with bullets. One to the heart and one to the head will be the bare minimum. I will not leave them for dead even after I hit him with a rod on his head that might potentially wipe his long term memory. I will finish the job and then celebrate.

6)   Similarly, I will not be overconfident and cut the hands of those who oppose me and let them live in that misery because i they they no longer dangerous. I will end their misery then and there.

7)   All individuals including friends and family members, who I had gone through to gain power, will not be given pity and kept hidden of locked away so that they may one day advise the hero. They will be put to death the second they have served their purpose.

8)   My evil henchmen will not all be black, fat and ugly with no personalities. They will be good looking, intellectual, cheerful people who my villagers can like and whom I can engage in interesting conversations with.

Ya Baby...I look Awesome

9)   When the Hero asks “Marne se pehle, mujhe ek cheeze bolo”, I will say no, and kill him then and there. Similarly, before killing the hero, I will not tell him “Suno, mera plan to yeh hai” and tell my master plan or any other information. Why take chances with ghosts.

10)  If any employee of mine comes to me with bad news, I will not kill him. It proves absolutely no point and it destroys employee morale. I will not play Russian roulette with 3 bullets in a revolver with any henchman for the same reason.

11)  All song sequences anywhere in my land will be banned with the penalty of their anal canal being sutured up . Thus the hero cannot break out in song or dance whenever he has built up frustration of romantic feeling. It will drive him to depression and eventual suicide.

12)   I will listen to my top advisors when he advises me or tell me something is wrong with my plan instead of stupidly going ahead just to make my ego happy. That’s why he is my advisor.

No, Its ok, Let Him keep his bracelet.

13)   If I want to marry the hero’s love interest/secret girlfriend/sister etc, I’ll do it quickly and privately rather than hold massive celebrations where the whole town is invited so that the dumbass hero can crash the wedding and save the day.

14)   All my guard will be equipped with ultra modern weapons and trained in sharp shooting. Everyone should be able to shoot any moving object/person within 200 meters with head shots, nothing less. Otherwise back to training.

15)  If the above mentioned girl says ‘Kabhi Nahi, tere se kabhi shaadi nahi karoongi’, I will say ok and shoot her. There are plenty of girls to choose from and why waste time convincing her. She may even try to stab me when I’m not looking.

16)  I will use remote activated bombs, NOT ones with timers nor any wires which if cut deactivate it. Rather, I’d make it so that if any wire is cut by the hero, the bomb sets of immediately.

Its all black...where is the red and green wires..ok, let me try this one...BOOOM

17)   I will diversify my money in various stable investments, instead of pooling it in one high risk plan or scam which may well backfire.

18)  No daughters ever. They often fall in love with the hero and betray their own father.

19)   I will be in tip top physical shape and be an expert marksmen, fighter and karate expert instead of a obese, panzee who will beg for mercy the second he is alone with the hero. Also I’m stuck fighting the hero on my own, I will keep him in the middle of an open space rather than some moving train, bus, bridge, factory etc.

20)  The entire hero’s friends circle and family will be killed in advance so he has no comic relief, encouragement, any romantic plot, or some brother to avenge his ‘bhai’ when he grows up.

21)  I will hire a team of doctors in my jail. So that if anyone cries out that he or someone else is sick, they will be attended to by specialists under supervision and not some dumbass who opens the jail door and walks in like its is own house.

22)  If I need to take over someone’s ancestral land or farm, I will do it with force, but properly relocate them so that they don’t feel the need to kill me.

23)  Every living thing will have a GPS tracking dot imbedded in them since birth. No one can hide.

24)  I will give my henchmen stylish uniforms and not boring khaki’s. It boosts morale.

25)  I will not, repeat, will not say one liners or speeches in a loud voice in the most important moments just to prove a point. It just pisses off the hired staff as well as the villagers.

26)   All babies will be mandatory delivered in hospitals, no jail deliveries whatsoever. So weather the sadhu says it’s the 9^th born or 10^th born son etc. etc. who will grow up and kill me, I know who it is.

27)   I will not let my villagers go free or reduce tax on them if they win a contest or cricket match, even if I can rig the event. I will be immensely content with the level of oppression I have over them.

Gay Gangbang????

28)   When my henchmen find the hero, I will teach them to attack him together all at once, rather than one after the other.

29)   I will send my strongest people first to catch the hero, rather than start with the weakest and move up progressively.

30)   All the hero’s animals, especially dogs and elephants will be eliminated immediately so they have no chance of bringing help or freeing their master. No pets allowed in my kingdom, except for Guinea pigs. Those cute things are absolutely harmless.

Hero- Help Me, my trusted pet. Pet-Cheeee Hero-Bite my ropes. Pet-Defecates Hero-Aw, Screw it.

31)   I will keep my villagers happy by providing them with free WiFi and iPhones so they will be too distracted to ever revolt.

And so, till I retire, I will be in utter complete domination of my land.

HAHAHAHAHAHA.

So, any potential heroes out there, please castrate yourself before that testosterone in you fills your head with any grand ideas that lead you to your untimely death. If you are too dumb to do anything else, don’t worry, my society needs laborers too.

Home away from Home.

College would be great if it weren’t for all the classes.

But living in the college hostel for five long years was enough to make most days surreal.  I really hope any some of you’ll can relate to this.

Here’s a rough list of the stuff i think i’ve learnt.

1) Bathing is optional for many. At least you learn to save water, such a precious commodity nowadays, right. Imagine, when wars are fought over water, people will remember the brave folk of college dorms who tried to make a difference.

2) Rooms should look like a pig pen. Why waste time cleaning it up when its going to be trashed the next day by your friends as it is.

Too Clean

3) Study, but never tell others you  have studied. This is very important, believe me. Otherwise you’ll be verbally raped and if it’s really your bad day, a nipple twist.

4) Weekends are wasted doing something completely pointless.

5) Talking to a drunk is pretty fun.

6) In continuation to above, there are many types of drunks i.e. the happy drunk, the sad drunk, the pitiful drunk and my personal favorite the ‘i will cry out all my deepest darkest secrets’ drunk.

7) When someone borrows from you,borrow something else form them, cause both of you will never see it again.

8 ) During examinations, coffee is the most important essential commodity. The poor indigenous hostelite on acquiring this godly weapon will use it in various traditional preparations like steamed in raw water, in aerated colas or in desperate situations, raw.

9) From your bed to class in under 5 minutes . Yes,it can be done. Now all it need’s is an Olympic event this great tradition will be immortalized.
Who cares how you look, all you have to do is go to the last bench and sleep.

10) Your vocabulary is enriched by words you never thought existed. There are more words for certain anatomical parts in various avatars than there are for our gods.  I’d love to give examples. (Another post maybe)

11) Mess food is in a culinary class of its own. Such original cuisine, you never get anywhere else. We savor the mystery all the time.

12) Anything, absolutely anything edible left open in your room is as good as gone. Quoting a true story, an opened packet of chips overrun with insects was mysteriously consumed by some unknown force, probably some sick insect fetish.

13) If someones playing music loud, its your duty to play it louder.

14) Stupid mindless actions is the norm.It proves, idiocy is the essence of the male mind.

15) Birthdays are bad only if its yours. Be ready to be stripped, raped, beaten, ripped apart and in truly demented situations, toothpasted in the chaddi area. If it someone else’s,then there’s your chance to release any tension you might have.

16) Cell phones are there to make others envious.

17) People pay attention to you only when they think you’re up to something.

18) Nobody call’s you by your own name,everyone gets a nick,whether you like it or not.

Well, i can think of more if i try, but these are the best things I’ve come to know and enjoy.
My only regret is blowing the best days of my life while I’m so young.
It was really fun writing this and reminiscing.

Mindless rambling. (Bit of nostalgia.This one’s from 2007.)

Reality Ruins Life….. Oh yes….

One really murderous realization.

Who wouldn’t love to be a sport star, rock star or any other person whose got it all…and don’t lie…I bet you must have dreamed to be like that at some point… And then you look at yourself…sighhhh…and go ‘those lucky idiots’…

Believe me…the amount of work you need to put in is a bloody lot…to make it simplpe.. Just try laying the guitar….your fingers will get chewed up and you’ll still sound bad…and thus the Rs 16,000 guitar is now my white elephant.

Even that cat can play...dam!!

And then the question comes…what to do?

I don’t need to study! I don’t need to learn!

I can always get by on my good looks and charm!!!!!!

Guess thats never going to work.. Anyways back to reality….

Back to books…exams are coming..and somehow I just can’t identify with that kind of work ethic.

Sighhhh..